she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
