onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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