I just saw a hot homeless man
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
