A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
