He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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