im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So much rum. So many feels.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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