where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
why didn't you poke me back
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
