Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
