You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
