apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
