Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
love makes seman taste better
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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