I can tuck mytits in my pants
well you can't waste a boner
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize