Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize