Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just cropdusted the office
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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