I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
