Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
