i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
