im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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