i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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