yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
