He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
