if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
