Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
