whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
