So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
