apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
