ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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