i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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