After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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