Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
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you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
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I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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