So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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