We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
