i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
