Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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