Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
