Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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