I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
