Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
