my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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