Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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