no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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