you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
