Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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