if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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