Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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