I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
