I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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