hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She's the barista slut.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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