Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
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update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
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I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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