i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
