You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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