things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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