I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
