This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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