He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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