remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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