words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
