My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize