So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
