Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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