Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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