You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
