1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
