Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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