This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
two words...techno handjob
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
