He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
