Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
