you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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