dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
