you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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