We won't sleep together?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
