and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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