well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
