I'm laying in your front yard are you home
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
